Simply Stacy Poetry

A Lyrical Journey For the Heart & Soul

Now I Know Better

Life being an ever-learning journey is a TRUE STORY indeed. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned, am learning is TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. I will be the first person to scream, “self reflection” but boy have I had a up close and personal experience with that recently.

One thing that came out of this is how God deals with you one on One. It won’t be understood by many, I’ve found that was by design and where your peace lies. We can take solace in obeying God without explanation to others, especially when we are clear we are Following His Way :).

God’s Ways we can’t fathom even with the highest degree and IQ we won’t come close. I know better, a little better now. I’m back on track. No explanations needed… Thank You Lord.

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April 1, 2018 Posted by | Hard Roads | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Long Time Coming

God has been tugging at my heart to visit my blog for the past few days.  I really didn’t understand why because I was journaling again and that was something I hadn’t done in a while, I was hoping He’d let me gather a little more consistency in that before He pushed me to blog again.  I logged in and tripped out a little bit at how long its been since I blogged, two years — WOW.  Well, here I am.  I wish I could tell y’all that I have some profound thought to share filled with exciting words and a roller coaster ride of emotions but I’d be lying to you in a major way.

I am here because I’ve been on an interesting journey that I’m being led to share the condensed version of.  Have you ever prayed and asked God to help you make better decisions? Or maybe this prayer, “Lord, use me for Your Glory?” Or my favorite, “God, please make me better, help me make better decisions.”  You ever heard someone say, “Be careful what you pray for?” Yeah, all of these statements and prayer types have crossed my ears a time or two, but the realization of those statements and requests busted me in the mouth in the last 365 days.

One year ago, God performed a major miracle in my life.  Now’s not the time to go to deep into that, but if you read this blog and you’re interested in knowing more about that amazing miracle, feel free to email me, I’m all too happy to testify of God’s AMAZING power.  Anyway, after that miracle was performed I believe the rulers of the dark world were pretty dog on mad at that solid victory God secured in my life, so they went to strategizing.  My mind played tricks on me, I was subscribing to crazy thoughts, and worst of all I disobeyed God.  Giving in to all of those things, led me astray from God, but not out of His reach.  God allowed me to travel what I “thought” was a wayward road to get me here… to today.

After that miracle and then straying down a road of “doing my own thing” (for my bible scholars, “Leaning to my own understanding”) God used that entire period to draw me to Him.  I was drawn to God in the most unusual way.  I was in so much pain and torment as a result of the choices I made, I was desperate for God, I mean DESPERATE!  The end of my downward spiral was as simple as my very next decision.  I had to decide that I wanted to feel better and do better.  It was as simple as my next decision, but it wasn’t as easy as my next decision (I promise I am going somewhere).  The road to seeing that outcome of that choice was hard but rewarding.  God began to show me where I veered off course, then He showed me characteristics within me (that if I can be honest I REFUSED to deal with) that made me susceptible to the enemy.  I was in such a place of desperation to do “it all” God’s way that I was praying, fasting, studying, reading and denying myself in every area I could to ensure I heard Him.  I did hear Him, I didn’t walk in 100% obedience during this time and a lot of that was because of self-doubt and insecurity that I was actually hearing from God after all I’d done.

That journey landed me right here… a place I haven’t visited in two years, but it seems God is using it to heal my land.  I experienced fear like I’ve never experienced before finally recognizing that I needed God and God alone to make it out of my self-inflicted storms.  The journey to feeling better, hearing clearer and drawing closer I am extremely thankful for; however, I will NOT lie to y’all in this blog and say I would do it all over again if I had to… man NAWL! NOPE, NO, NADDA! It is my hope that I will be clear of mind to hear and heed God the next time I think a detour will get me to the destination quicker and He says no.  I am still very much in the process of healing, growing, learning and being pruned of the tares I’ve entangled myself with from my year’s journey, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt God is WITH ME!

I hope you enjoyed this read — thanks for reading!!

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March 28, 2018 Posted by | Hard Roads | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Journey To Loving Me and She…

I literally had to become an adult before I learned how what I think manifests into what I speak and what I speak ultimately turns into what I do.  Women I encountered outside of my mother, unknowingly taught me how to dislike other women, without knowing them.  I became conditioned, not because of what I experienced, solely based off of what I “learned” by hearing to “size her up.”  Now, let’s put a little bit of logic to how a person heals, transforms, and grows out of such behaviors.  Learned behavior develops in layers, year after year after year… thick and stacked high!  It takes time to remove those layers, thought processes over time, but God can do anything and He can do it quickly (His quick is not our quick though ha ha!) Something happens to break through one or a few of those layers and as each layer is peeled away, the freer that person becomes, their thoughts change, ideas change, perceptions change.  That’s exactly what happened to me… and the root of why “I didn’t like her… without even knowing her… is because I didn’t like me.”  I had to first learn to sincerely love me, I had to believe what I said about me, for real.  You know we live in a world where it’s easy to pick up a mask, place it on, live for the day, take it off, go to sleep and do it all over again day after day, month after month, year after year.  I did that, lived behind the mask of false confidence, I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and that made it easy to dislike others, women especially, especially women who had confidence.

God broke through to me, me being completely unwilling of course… but He did.  It was in those moments, I learned, that when God sets out to accomplish something in you, it will get done and the sooner you say yes, the more impact He will have.  He gave me two daughters… they came from me, I couldn’t teach them the ugliness that resided in me.  The process began of loving me, because of how much I loved them.  I had to first accept and love the color of my skin.  I am dark skinned and within my culture and outside of my culture, I was made to feel that dark skinned women aren’t beautiful. I bought into those lies, I didn’t like the skin I was in and on top of that, I have an overbite, I walk with a limp due to a birth defect, I’m big-skinny (fat stomach, small legs, big chest, fact face) LOL, I know, silly… but I didn’t like who I saw when I looked at me, thought about me.  I remembered the words of life my momma spoke over me as a little girl. I started to believe the words my husband affirmed over me, and the how my daddy said I was beautiful. It started there, I knew when I looked at my daughters that they were beautiful and I wanted to make sure they believed that about themselves when I told them that.  In doing that, I was reminded that I couldn’t expect them to believe me, when I didn’t believe my own mother’s words.

Anyway, God began to break down the layers and with ever layer removed from me, I was able to see my fellow sister in a different light.  I found myself after about a 15 year delayering process loving me.  I loved the beauty, the variety, the originality of women.  My black sisters, were becoming works of art in my eyes, no longer beings that I disliked because of my own insecurities.  She was the epitome of beauty to me. When I looked around I saw different types of women, shapes of women and it encouraged me.  I was inspired to accept my originality and now I want to be surrounded.  I am interested in learning about the different gifts each woman possesses, I want to embrace my fellow sisters of my culture and other cultures, identifying with our similarities and understanding our intricacies.  I want to kill the stereotype that I’d once made my reality… “Women just don’t get along.”  That’s a false statement that I want to bury with every woman that God blesses to connect with me.  I love me…. and now I can love she because we are one in the same, originally made.

July 26, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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