Simply Stacy Poetry

A Lyrical Journey For the Heart & Soul

The Journey To Loving Me and She…

I literally had to become an adult before I learned how what I think manifests into what I speak and what I speak ultimately turns into what I do.  Women I encountered outside of my mother, unknowingly taught me how to dislike other women, without knowing them.  I became conditioned, not because of what I experienced, solely based off of what I “learned” by hearing to “size her up.”  Now, let’s put a little bit of logic to how a person heals, transforms, and grows out of such behaviors.  Learned behavior develops in layers, year after year after year… thick and stacked high!  It takes time to remove those layers, thought processes over time, but God can do anything and He can do it quickly (His quick is not our quick though ha ha!) Something happens to break through one or a few of those layers and as each layer is peeled away, the freer that person becomes, their thoughts change, ideas change, perceptions change.  That’s exactly what happened to me… and the root of why “I didn’t like her… without even knowing her… is because I didn’t like me.”  I had to first learn to sincerely love me, I had to believe what I said about me, for real.  You know we live in a world where it’s easy to pick up a mask, place it on, live for the day, take it off, go to sleep and do it all over again day after day, month after month, year after year.  I did that, lived behind the mask of false confidence, I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and that made it easy to dislike others, women especially, especially women who had confidence.

God broke through to me, me being completely unwilling of course… but He did.  It was in those moments, I learned, that when God sets out to accomplish something in you, it will get done and the sooner you say yes, the more impact He will have.  He gave me two daughters… they came from me, I couldn’t teach them the ugliness that resided in me.  The process began of loving me, because of how much I loved them.  I had to first accept and love the color of my skin.  I am dark skinned and within my culture and outside of my culture, I was made to feel that dark skinned women aren’t beautiful. I bought into those lies, I didn’t like the skin I was in and on top of that, I have an overbite, I walk with a limp due to a birth defect, I’m big-skinny (fat stomach, small legs, big chest, fact face) LOL, I know, silly… but I didn’t like who I saw when I looked at me, thought about me.  I remembered the words of life my momma spoke over me as a little girl. I started to believe the words my husband affirmed over me, and the how my daddy said I was beautiful. It started there, I knew when I looked at my daughters that they were beautiful and I wanted to make sure they believed that about themselves when I told them that.  In doing that, I was reminded that I couldn’t expect them to believe me, when I didn’t believe my own mother’s words.

Anyway, God began to break down the layers and with ever layer removed from me, I was able to see my fellow sister in a different light.  I found myself after about a 15 year delayering process loving me.  I loved the beauty, the variety, the originality of women.  My black sisters, were becoming works of art in my eyes, no longer beings that I disliked because of my own insecurities.  She was the epitome of beauty to me. When I looked around I saw different types of women, shapes of women and it encouraged me.  I was inspired to accept my originality and now I want to be surrounded.  I am interested in learning about the different gifts each woman possesses, I want to embrace my fellow sisters of my culture and other cultures, identifying with our similarities and understanding our intricacies.  I want to kill the stereotype that I’d once made my reality… “Women just don’t get along.”  That’s a false statement that I want to bury with every woman that God blesses to connect with me.  I love me…. and now I can love she because we are one in the same, originally made.

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July 26, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Self Honesty

I know this must be a crazy thing to say but I am really just now learning to be honest with myself.  I have insecurities, that’s no secret, we all do, but I had to start saying some things out loud to myself in order for me to begin to accept them.  For example, it’s easy to catch someone else be judgmental but boy is it tough to carry the mantle of being judgmental yourself.  Through some very recent events in my life, I realized, I need deliverance and healing in the area of judging others.  I am thankful to God for the painful life experiences that produce imperfections about me that NEED to be healed.  One thing I make a declaration to STOP doing, is befriending people too fast.  It’s unfair to them and it’s unfair to me.  I don’t give them enough time to learn me and I don’t give myself enough time to learn them so when storms arise in the building of the relationship, things are torn down and in many cases irreparable.  I carry something that I think my momma was working hard to rid me of during the 13 years she was here with me… I give too quickly.  I give everything up front, without discernment, a lot of times based off of commonalities I identify with individuals and then when things happen and I become hurt or offended then I’m sitting there looking stupid.  I can’t blame people for hurting me, I blame me.  I realize something, my discernment is not as strong as I thought it was.  I also need to learn how to rely on God to heal me from hurts instead of people.

Today, this day, April 26th God kept me still… I laid in bed most of the day, literally slept on and off until about 5p EST.  God talked straight to me… “I can’t heal you until you allow me to reveal to you what needs to be healed in you.”  So, here in this blog, I am going to reveal what I know needs to be healed about me as I stand today…

Stop judging people because they don’t think like I do, look like I do, believe in what I do… STOP JUDGING

Stop giving so much so soon, allow God to guide my heart

Be slow to speak about things when I am angry or irritated

Take time affording the title of friend to people; get to know them and allow them to get to know me

Forgive faster…stop dwelling on offenses and forgive

Quit being angry at things I can’t control

I know that’s not much, but it’s enough for me to deal with today.  My prayers are changing, I am doing a lot more looking at me and slowing down my pace because I need to.  I am getting hurt and in my hurt I am hurting others and I don’t want to be that person.  I want to love with sincerity; I want the character of genuine to be seen in my presence before I open my mouth to speak.

I will be a better me with each day I’m given.  Things I MUST accept, everybody won’t like me, everybody won’t be straightforward with you, everybody won’t love like you do, you’re imperfect, you can’t control every situation and the most important, life is filled with seasons, know when the seasons change.

I hope those of you that took the time to read this enjoyed it!

Self Honesty

April 27, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When You Look Into the Mirror — Do You Like What You See??

There’s something about the mirror — the mirror reflects what is before it, right? However, many won’t admit that looking into a mirror to examine yourself is one of the toughest things to do.  No, I don’t mean to examine your physical appearance, I mean to look into your own eyes and declare the change that is required to improve you as a person.  Self examination is NOT an easy thing to do and self examination causes one to be accountable to themselves and I won’t lie, it’s certainly not something I look forward too.  However, a self check is NECESSARY whether you want to do it or not.

The moment I stop, take a good look at myself, and allow God to deal with me and my flaws is the moment of clarity where I can truly see what needs to be improved in me.  God has to do that often with me, I won’t sit here and tell any lies…He does.  I recognize why He has to do that, I can account for at least three reasons: 1) To keep me humble 2) To keep me from judging others 3) To remind me that this life I lead can’t/won’t go anywhere without Him

Life is an ever-learning journey and I need to make sure I learn from every lesson God desires to teach me, especially those about me.  I am realizing something also, when you’re focused on what God has called you too, the process He’s designed for you to go through, you don’t time to worry about what other folks are up to.  This is not as difficult as difficult for me to admit as it used to be — I’m thankful for the increase of maturity God has given me.  Even though I have a LOT more growing to do.

I will get off my soap box now, this little blurb I am posting is something I just had to get off my heart, if for no one else at a minimum for myself.  Never get too comfortable with where you are in life, thinking there’s no room left for you to grow, that there isn’t farther for you to go — as you continue growing you’ll keep going.

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July 9, 2013 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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