Simply Stacy Poetry

A Lyrical Journey For the Heart & Soul

Now I Know Better

Life being an ever-learning journey is a TRUE STORY indeed. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned, am learning is TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. I will be the first person to scream, “self reflection” but boy have I had a up close and personal experience with that recently.

One thing that came out of this is how God deals with you one on One. It won’t be understood by many, I’ve found that was by design and where your peace lies. We can take solace in obeying God without explanation to others, especially when we are clear we are Following His Way :).

God’s Ways we can’t fathom even with the highest degree and IQ we won’t come close. I know better, a little better now. I’m back on track. No explanations needed… Thank You Lord.

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April 1, 2018 Posted by | Hard Roads | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Long Time Coming

God has been tugging at my heart to visit my blog for the past few days.  I really didn’t understand why because I was journaling again and that was something I hadn’t done in a while, I was hoping He’d let me gather a little more consistency in that before He pushed me to blog again.  I logged in and tripped out a little bit at how long its been since I blogged, two years — WOW.  Well, here I am.  I wish I could tell y’all that I have some profound thought to share filled with exciting words and a roller coaster ride of emotions but I’d be lying to you in a major way.

I am here because I’ve been on an interesting journey that I’m being led to share the condensed version of.  Have you ever prayed and asked God to help you make better decisions? Or maybe this prayer, “Lord, use me for Your Glory?” Or my favorite, “God, please make me better, help me make better decisions.”  You ever heard someone say, “Be careful what you pray for?” Yeah, all of these statements and prayer types have crossed my ears a time or two, but the realization of those statements and requests busted me in the mouth in the last 365 days.

One year ago, God performed a major miracle in my life.  Now’s not the time to go to deep into that, but if you read this blog and you’re interested in knowing more about that amazing miracle, feel free to email me, I’m all too happy to testify of God’s AMAZING power.  Anyway, after that miracle was performed I believe the rulers of the dark world were pretty dog on mad at that solid victory God secured in my life, so they went to strategizing.  My mind played tricks on me, I was subscribing to crazy thoughts, and worst of all I disobeyed God.  Giving in to all of those things, led me astray from God, but not out of His reach.  God allowed me to travel what I “thought” was a wayward road to get me here… to today.

After that miracle and then straying down a road of “doing my own thing” (for my bible scholars, “Leaning to my own understanding”) God used that entire period to draw me to Him.  I was drawn to God in the most unusual way.  I was in so much pain and torment as a result of the choices I made, I was desperate for God, I mean DESPERATE!  The end of my downward spiral was as simple as my very next decision.  I had to decide that I wanted to feel better and do better.  It was as simple as my next decision, but it wasn’t as easy as my next decision (I promise I am going somewhere).  The road to seeing that outcome of that choice was hard but rewarding.  God began to show me where I veered off course, then He showed me characteristics within me (that if I can be honest I REFUSED to deal with) that made me susceptible to the enemy.  I was in such a place of desperation to do “it all” God’s way that I was praying, fasting, studying, reading and denying myself in every area I could to ensure I heard Him.  I did hear Him, I didn’t walk in 100% obedience during this time and a lot of that was because of self-doubt and insecurity that I was actually hearing from God after all I’d done.

That journey landed me right here… a place I haven’t visited in two years, but it seems God is using it to heal my land.  I experienced fear like I’ve never experienced before finally recognizing that I needed God and God alone to make it out of my self-inflicted storms.  The journey to feeling better, hearing clearer and drawing closer I am extremely thankful for; however, I will NOT lie to y’all in this blog and say I would do it all over again if I had to… man NAWL! NOPE, NO, NADDA! It is my hope that I will be clear of mind to hear and heed God the next time I think a detour will get me to the destination quicker and He says no.  I am still very much in the process of healing, growing, learning and being pruned of the tares I’ve entangled myself with from my year’s journey, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt God is WITH ME!

I hope you enjoyed this read — thanks for reading!!

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March 28, 2018 Posted by | Hard Roads | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Journey To Loving Me and She…

I literally had to become an adult before I learned how what I think manifests into what I speak and what I speak ultimately turns into what I do.  Women I encountered outside of my mother, unknowingly taught me how to dislike other women, without knowing them.  I became conditioned, not because of what I experienced, solely based off of what I “learned” by hearing to “size her up.”  Now, let’s put a little bit of logic to how a person heals, transforms, and grows out of such behaviors.  Learned behavior develops in layers, year after year after year… thick and stacked high!  It takes time to remove those layers, thought processes over time, but God can do anything and He can do it quickly (His quick is not our quick though ha ha!) Something happens to break through one or a few of those layers and as each layer is peeled away, the freer that person becomes, their thoughts change, ideas change, perceptions change.  That’s exactly what happened to me… and the root of why “I didn’t like her… without even knowing her… is because I didn’t like me.”  I had to first learn to sincerely love me, I had to believe what I said about me, for real.  You know we live in a world where it’s easy to pick up a mask, place it on, live for the day, take it off, go to sleep and do it all over again day after day, month after month, year after year.  I did that, lived behind the mask of false confidence, I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and that made it easy to dislike others, women especially, especially women who had confidence.

God broke through to me, me being completely unwilling of course… but He did.  It was in those moments, I learned, that when God sets out to accomplish something in you, it will get done and the sooner you say yes, the more impact He will have.  He gave me two daughters… they came from me, I couldn’t teach them the ugliness that resided in me.  The process began of loving me, because of how much I loved them.  I had to first accept and love the color of my skin.  I am dark skinned and within my culture and outside of my culture, I was made to feel that dark skinned women aren’t beautiful. I bought into those lies, I didn’t like the skin I was in and on top of that, I have an overbite, I walk with a limp due to a birth defect, I’m big-skinny (fat stomach, small legs, big chest, fact face) LOL, I know, silly… but I didn’t like who I saw when I looked at me, thought about me.  I remembered the words of life my momma spoke over me as a little girl. I started to believe the words my husband affirmed over me, and the how my daddy said I was beautiful. It started there, I knew when I looked at my daughters that they were beautiful and I wanted to make sure they believed that about themselves when I told them that.  In doing that, I was reminded that I couldn’t expect them to believe me, when I didn’t believe my own mother’s words.

Anyway, God began to break down the layers and with ever layer removed from me, I was able to see my fellow sister in a different light.  I found myself after about a 15 year delayering process loving me.  I loved the beauty, the variety, the originality of women.  My black sisters, were becoming works of art in my eyes, no longer beings that I disliked because of my own insecurities.  She was the epitome of beauty to me. When I looked around I saw different types of women, shapes of women and it encouraged me.  I was inspired to accept my originality and now I want to be surrounded.  I am interested in learning about the different gifts each woman possesses, I want to embrace my fellow sisters of my culture and other cultures, identifying with our similarities and understanding our intricacies.  I want to kill the stereotype that I’d once made my reality… “Women just don’t get along.”  That’s a false statement that I want to bury with every woman that God blesses to connect with me.  I love me…. and now I can love she because we are one in the same, originally made.

July 26, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Your Choice…

There’s this wonderful thing called “free will,” that I think we grossly misunderstand.  No one person is without mistake, but the thing about making mistakes is whether or not you learn from them.  So, you’re free will… you make a choice, that choice results in a consequence, that consequence results in a process or pathway you travel and some choices leave us wondering, “Did I make the right choice?” or “Why did I make this choice?”  It’s funny, in my own learning, growing, changing, and being corrected, I have indeed found myself not always accepting the consequences of the choices I made.  Some things, I didn’t want to take responsibility for, I didn’t want to acknowledge that there were choices I made, some where that got me to this crazy point I stand at today.  I realize, not taking responsibility for the free will decisions I’ve made and instead wanting to blame God or even another person for the outcome as a result of my choices, prevented me from LEARNING from it.  I used to be that person… victim, the one people wanted to hurt, or my favorite, “Oh I’m a black sheep…”  However, today, I realize that was a coward out, a way for me to avoid have to pull myself up by my boot straps, swallow my pride and say, “Hey, you made a few mistakes, some choice that landed you here, but now, wash your face, look to God and find out the next step He wants you to take to begin the correction and restoration process.”

I am not saying, that everything someone goes through is their fault, because there are God allowed things that happen in our lives, that I just gotta be honest, we aren’t meant to understand them.  I believe that is the pill that is the hardest to swallow for a free will being… especially living in a country where many people actually believe they are entitled.  This message, is simply about taking responsibility for where you are in life.  I can’t put my mouth on any one else, but Stacy, oh boy have I taken the process I was meant to endure and blame someone else for it.  I was foolishly bold enough to even say, “God is selective in whom He loves, because if He really loved me, I wouldn’t be going through: [this].”  In essence, I didn’t believe God’s Word, that “all things work together for good to those who love God…(Romans 8:28)”  What God promised in that scripture couldn’t come true in my life until I believed the second part of it, “to those who are called according to His purpose.”  The second part of that scripture to me means, I had to first believe He called me and secondly, I had to trust what He called me for…including all that I had to face in this life.  I wanted God in my life when it benefited me, I didn’t want to serve Him, I wanted Him to serve me.  Don’t raise your eyebrows at that statement, every time we deviate from God’s plans, purpose for something, every time we make a choice that directly contradicts His will… we say in no uncertain terms, “God I want You to serve me; I’m not interested in serving, obeying and trusting You or Your plans.” I think if we truly heard ourselves saying those words when we ignore the still small voice, the gut feeling, the countless warnings He gives us right before we do something of our own free will, we’d be less likely to do it.

Even in the making of the mistake, the blatant decisions I’ve made which resulted in me enduring a tough process, there’s Hope; God still covers and protects, while He corrects. I love that the choices I’ve made can be used to make me a better me if I first take responsibility for the choice I made, repent and ask God to lead me, decrease me that He might increase within me.  I know that is something tough for people to grasp… God having such a measure of faithfulness, such a Love for a people who turn their backs on Him and blame Him at every turn, but He still blesses, protects, covers, re-directs, shares, cares, and wants them apart of Him.  But again, to see that… guess what it starts with… Your Choice.

July 19, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Self Honesty

I know this must be a crazy thing to say but I am really just now learning to be honest with myself.  I have insecurities, that’s no secret, we all do, but I had to start saying some things out loud to myself in order for me to begin to accept them.  For example, it’s easy to catch someone else be judgmental but boy is it tough to carry the mantle of being judgmental yourself.  Through some very recent events in my life, I realized, I need deliverance and healing in the area of judging others.  I am thankful to God for the painful life experiences that produce imperfections about me that NEED to be healed.  One thing I make a declaration to STOP doing, is befriending people too fast.  It’s unfair to them and it’s unfair to me.  I don’t give them enough time to learn me and I don’t give myself enough time to learn them so when storms arise in the building of the relationship, things are torn down and in many cases irreparable.  I carry something that I think my momma was working hard to rid me of during the 13 years she was here with me… I give too quickly.  I give everything up front, without discernment, a lot of times based off of commonalities I identify with individuals and then when things happen and I become hurt or offended then I’m sitting there looking stupid.  I can’t blame people for hurting me, I blame me.  I realize something, my discernment is not as strong as I thought it was.  I also need to learn how to rely on God to heal me from hurts instead of people.

Today, this day, April 26th God kept me still… I laid in bed most of the day, literally slept on and off until about 5p EST.  God talked straight to me… “I can’t heal you until you allow me to reveal to you what needs to be healed in you.”  So, here in this blog, I am going to reveal what I know needs to be healed about me as I stand today…

Stop judging people because they don’t think like I do, look like I do, believe in what I do… STOP JUDGING

Stop giving so much so soon, allow God to guide my heart

Be slow to speak about things when I am angry or irritated

Take time affording the title of friend to people; get to know them and allow them to get to know me

Forgive faster…stop dwelling on offenses and forgive

Quit being angry at things I can’t control

I know that’s not much, but it’s enough for me to deal with today.  My prayers are changing, I am doing a lot more looking at me and slowing down my pace because I need to.  I am getting hurt and in my hurt I am hurting others and I don’t want to be that person.  I want to love with sincerity; I want the character of genuine to be seen in my presence before I open my mouth to speak.

I will be a better me with each day I’m given.  Things I MUST accept, everybody won’t like me, everybody won’t be straightforward with you, everybody won’t love like you do, you’re imperfect, you can’t control every situation and the most important, life is filled with seasons, know when the seasons change.

I hope those of you that took the time to read this enjoyed it!

Self Honesty

April 27, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Processing – The Individual’s Journey

We walk many roads during our life’s journey and most of our journey’s can’t be explained or understood but we push forth to find our way.  As I grow I find myself learning and understanding the concept of processing and going through processes.  Life hasn’t been “easy” for me but it hasn’t been a constant strand of pain and misery either.  I am finally at a place in my journey where I am starting to connect the dots of my life that I once tagged with the label of misery and I appreciate it.  I realized, had hard, painful, stressful situations not happened in my life I would not know compassion the way I do.  I would not know the healing power of prayer, God’s miraculous delayering power that caused my once hardened heart to forgive.  I held on to a lot, I fought turning pages in my life that God meant for me to turn, and I internalized my hurts.  I started just opening my mouth and talking to God…. whereas I once “vented” to people, I simply started talking to God.  It was when I took those talks seriously that the processing began.  Things I once completely misunderstood about my life begin to make complete sense to me.  He’s fixing my heart; pieces of it are still missing, areas of it are still tender and bruised, but areas of it that I thought would never be healed are healed too.  I realize the processing is indeed working out for the good of me.

I have to let go, forgive, remember some things and forget others; more important than anything I have to endure the process to see a better, stronger, growing me.  I truly know what it means now when my grandma used to say, “Baby, don’t despise the process…” 

 

April 14, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m In This For You

I pour my heart out

To make sure there’s no doubt

That I’m in this for you

Enough following society’s standard

Of making you read my mind

I lay it all out there

Transparently on the line

I’m in this for you

No, you’re not my life

I had that before you came

I’m securely me

You’re securely you

Now we can be

One together

And individuals too

I just want to be clear

I hope you understand

That I’m in this for you

I’m your woman

You’re my man…

I’m in this for you

©SimplyStacy Copyright 2014. All Rights Reserved

June 30, 2014 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lyrically Me

I use my pen to express my

Peace, Pain, Purpose and Passion

Methodically arranging words on paper

Using them to speak to nations

Conveying my thoughts

Regrets that I have

Expressing my imperfections

And sometimes

Having the last laugh

I am lyrically me

Fully engaged

Artistically sound

Gripping my pen

Praying to speak something profound

There’s therapy in being

Lyrically Me

 

June 28, 2014 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Love Beyond Fantasy: When Real Love Meets the Road Radio Show!!

Hi WP Family!!!

I’ve got to do better keeping up with you all, you guys are such an AMAZING SUPPORT to me!  I wanted to share with you all an endeavor my husband and I have embarked upon… an online radio show!  Love Beyond Fantasy: When Real Love Meets the Road.  We broadcast live every third Tuesday of the month on Blog Talk Radio… we discuss relationships of all kinds, friendships, love relationships, business relationships… toxic relationships, fulfilling relationships, healthy relationships, draining relationships…. ALL TYPES.

This month’s episode is entitled, “When Keeping It Real Goes RIGHT!”  We we will be chatting with DC Natives, Abdul and Tonika Mahdi as they share with us how communication, honesty and no excuses keep them strong and in love!  We’ll have some music and definitively good conversation… won’t you join us? Tuesday, April 15th at 9p EST — Got a cell phone, you can call and listen in at (310) 742-1879; got a tablet or a computer? Even better! Tune in at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/lovebeyondfantasy/2014/04/16/when-keepin-it-real-goes-right

Got a question for us? Email us at lbfradioshow@gmail.com or tweet us at @lbfradioshow

Hope y’all will tune and tell a friend!

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April 4, 2014 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Directed…

Yesterday, October 26th was an interesting day an emotional day. I woke up from a wonderful night of performing poetry and enjoying music with some GREAT artist friends. When I opened my eyes and got myself together, reality set in that today was the day I was going to the memorial of my dear friend’s father.  I had to be strong; this memorial affected me in more ways than one.  You see, I mourned for my friend because I understood what it meant to lose your father. Our stories were parallel in this experience because her daddy was  military vet, so was mine, her daddy died from liver cancer, so did mine and her daddy loved her with all his heart, so did mine.  I went, the service was beautiful but I cried…HARD. I cried, it reminded me of my dad’s passing, I looked around and it was like a poem coming to life — I saw the love of her family, it was genuine and I cried even more. 

Since my mom died 22 years ago, the tight bond of love amongst family for me has been non-existent.  What I mean by that is, outside of the intermediate family: dad, brothers and sisters; the cousins, aunts, cookouts, holiday dinners, simple get togethers went away.  My daddy wanted to continue that, but he soon caught on that people wanted to deal with who they wanted to deal with and you had to forge the relationships set before you.  My dad died June 2012, I remember sitting in the room at the hospice watching him fight to breath…I couldn’t cry, I tried but I couldn’t. Sitting in that church yesterday, listening to the family talk about the love that filled the room of my friend’s dad when he passed, how they embraced and prayed, I cried even more.  That was beautiful, I pictured it vividly in color it was beautiful. I was mindful of how hard I was crying because I didn’t want to offend my friend’s family, I didn’t know their loved one that well but my tears were real, I was hurting for my own reasons.

The service concluded and I won’t lie I practically ran out of the place. I got to my car, sat for a moment and pulled off. I stopped to get gas and decided to park to send a few texts. I paused, I text some people who were key players in ensuring the event I hosted the night before was successful.  I found myself texting my friends, letting them know how much I love them, what they mean to me and that I didn’t want to wait till they were being memorialized before I told them how important they are to me.  I sat for a while, not sure why I did, but I did and I finally pulled off an entire hour later after I’d left the church. I drove off, quietly. I turned on my iPod and drove along and as I was headed down 285 and I caught a glimpse of a woman, she was walking vigorously, as if she had somewhere to be. As quick as I saw her, was as quick as God spoke to me…. “Stop and pick her up…” so I did. I pulled over into the emergency lane and waited for her, as she approached my car, I rolled my window down and asked her where she was headed.  She said I’m heading to work. We were at exit 41 her job was exit 37 and she was walking with all her things.  I had to thank God for even positioning me to help her; when she got in the car I simply said, “God will supply all of your needs.” She thanked me and we rolled along.  She went on to tell me how she is caring for her sick husband and couldn’t afford to miss work.  She told me she needed to be there before two so she got off the bus and started walking because she knew she wouldn’t make it before then and look at God, I picked her up at 1:40p.

I dropped her off and I thanked God for that opportunity; it reminded me that God still directed me… God can use you, He wants too. Allow Him to lead you!

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October 27, 2013 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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