Simply Stacy Poetry

A Lyrical Journey For the Heart & Soul

The Journey To Loving Me and She…

I literally had to become an adult before I learned how what I think manifests into what I speak and what I speak ultimately turns into what I do.  Women I encountered outside of my mother, unknowingly taught me how to dislike other women, without knowing them.  I became conditioned, not because of what I experienced, solely based off of what I “learned” by hearing to “size her up.”  Now, let’s put a little bit of logic to how a person heals, transforms, and grows out of such behaviors.  Learned behavior develops in layers, year after year after year… thick and stacked high!  It takes time to remove those layers, thought processes over time, but God can do anything and He can do it quickly (His quick is not our quick though ha ha!) Something happens to break through one or a few of those layers and as each layer is peeled away, the freer that person becomes, their thoughts change, ideas change, perceptions change.  That’s exactly what happened to me… and the root of why “I didn’t like her… without even knowing her… is because I didn’t like me.”  I had to first learn to sincerely love me, I had to believe what I said about me, for real.  You know we live in a world where it’s easy to pick up a mask, place it on, live for the day, take it off, go to sleep and do it all over again day after day, month after month, year after year.  I did that, lived behind the mask of false confidence, I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and that made it easy to dislike others, women especially, especially women who had confidence.

God broke through to me, me being completely unwilling of course… but He did.  It was in those moments, I learned, that when God sets out to accomplish something in you, it will get done and the sooner you say yes, the more impact He will have.  He gave me two daughters… they came from me, I couldn’t teach them the ugliness that resided in me.  The process began of loving me, because of how much I loved them.  I had to first accept and love the color of my skin.  I am dark skinned and within my culture and outside of my culture, I was made to feel that dark skinned women aren’t beautiful. I bought into those lies, I didn’t like the skin I was in and on top of that, I have an overbite, I walk with a limp due to a birth defect, I’m big-skinny (fat stomach, small legs, big chest, fact face) LOL, I know, silly… but I didn’t like who I saw when I looked at me, thought about me.  I remembered the words of life my momma spoke over me as a little girl. I started to believe the words my husband affirmed over me, and the how my daddy said I was beautiful. It started there, I knew when I looked at my daughters that they were beautiful and I wanted to make sure they believed that about themselves when I told them that.  In doing that, I was reminded that I couldn’t expect them to believe me, when I didn’t believe my own mother’s words.

Anyway, God began to break down the layers and with ever layer removed from me, I was able to see my fellow sister in a different light.  I found myself after about a 15 year delayering process loving me.  I loved the beauty, the variety, the originality of women.  My black sisters, were becoming works of art in my eyes, no longer beings that I disliked because of my own insecurities.  She was the epitome of beauty to me. When I looked around I saw different types of women, shapes of women and it encouraged me.  I was inspired to accept my originality and now I want to be surrounded.  I am interested in learning about the different gifts each woman possesses, I want to embrace my fellow sisters of my culture and other cultures, identifying with our similarities and understanding our intricacies.  I want to kill the stereotype that I’d once made my reality… “Women just don’t get along.”  That’s a false statement that I want to bury with every woman that God blesses to connect with me.  I love me…. and now I can love she because we are one in the same, originally made.

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July 26, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Changes

Life consists of a myriad of changes and while we live we go through changes.  The things we have to do to adjust and grow can some times be taxing and overwhelming; that is why I appreciate having the opportunity to write, release, pray, cry, scream and athough it’s not a good way to release, heck I’ll be honest getting out a good cussing has helped me LOL (don’t judge me).  I simply want to be better than what I’ve been.  I realize I will always learn something as long as I live and there is always room for improvement so I proceed.  Changing is not always easy; accepting the things about myself that need to be changed is the hardest… I need to pray more, I need to worry less (especially about what people say or think).  I am learning to love the life I have and love who I am.  I never thought it would be so hard to simply accept me.  I am finding out though, achieving love for one’s self is the road to fulfillment in life.

   

 

April 18, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Processing – The Individual’s Journey

We walk many roads during our life’s journey and most of our journey’s can’t be explained or understood but we push forth to find our way.  As I grow I find myself learning and understanding the concept of processing and going through processes.  Life hasn’t been “easy” for me but it hasn’t been a constant strand of pain and misery either.  I am finally at a place in my journey where I am starting to connect the dots of my life that I once tagged with the label of misery and I appreciate it.  I realized, had hard, painful, stressful situations not happened in my life I would not know compassion the way I do.  I would not know the healing power of prayer, God’s miraculous delayering power that caused my once hardened heart to forgive.  I held on to a lot, I fought turning pages in my life that God meant for me to turn, and I internalized my hurts.  I started just opening my mouth and talking to God…. whereas I once “vented” to people, I simply started talking to God.  It was when I took those talks seriously that the processing began.  Things I once completely misunderstood about my life begin to make complete sense to me.  He’s fixing my heart; pieces of it are still missing, areas of it are still tender and bruised, but areas of it that I thought would never be healed are healed too.  I realize the processing is indeed working out for the good of me.

I have to let go, forgive, remember some things and forget others; more important than anything I have to endure the process to see a better, stronger, growing me.  I truly know what it means now when my grandma used to say, “Baby, don’t despise the process…” 

 

April 14, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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