Simply Stacy Poetry

A Lyrical Journey For the Heart & Soul

Explaining Me

One weakness of me, that has been sort thrust in my face lately is me feeling the NEED to explain… why I do what I do, why I say no to certain things, why I believe what I believe, why I am who I am.  I found myself asking God, “Why am I always confronted with things… that leave me feeling obligated or guilty? and then when I am not adequately equipped to fulfill the request made of me, I feel the need to explain?  Well, I think God answered it for me, very simply…. because you need to stop explaining.

I had two family members ask me for money, within 2 days of each other.  I really didn’t have what they asked for, but rather than just say, “No, I don’t have it.” I felt the need to tell them why I didn’t have it, when it actuality I owed them no explanation, no should’ve been enough.  I think I understand now, why I always feel the need to explain… because it’s an insecurity of mine… I don’t want people to “think” differently about me because I couldn’t meet a need they had.  I know, it sounds RIDICULOUS, but it’s the truth about me.  That statement proves I still gave a great deal about people’s perception and belief about me.  One thing I’m learning to do and I really thought I’d dealt the major insecurity that’s plagued me most of my life, having the need to be accepted and validated by people.

I am on a journey to be completely delivered from that; God has validated me and that should be enough for me.  I have to believe that my “no” is enough and I have to be OK with folks perception of me, not try to control or change that by what I try to convince them.  I have to take one of those old school mantras I was told over and over, “Folks gon’ say what they gon’ say and think what they gon’ think about you, ain’t nothing you can do about that…”  I need to GET MY LIFE.  I need to be real with myself, ask and answer the question, “Why do you care what’s thought about you?” “Do you believe you don’t give enough so when you don’t have to give you feel guilty?” If yes, WHY?????

I am realizing something, God is allowing me to see things about myself that need to be changed so that I grow up and grow into a better me.  I’m thankful…

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November 1, 2015 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | 1 Comment

   

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