Simply Stacy Poetry

A Lyrical Journey For the Heart & Soul

Self-Examination: The Toil Is Real

Self-examination, real self-examination pulls from places you didn’t even know issues resided. I am undergoing another period of self-examination. I am embarking on a new journey, entering into a new phase of my life, one that I won’t sit here, lie and say it was a welcomed change. As a result of this growth and shifting, angst arose in areas of my life that I NEVER expected. I was hurt, angry, and even felt heart broken; friendships I’d nurtured and enjoyed having apart of my life ended, abruptly. I wish I could sit here and tell you that I understand why they ended, I wish I could outline a list of indicators that warned me of these happenings, but that’s just not the truth. The series of things that happened which caused these friendships to end were petty and unnecessary. So, I am currently in the process of getting past the things that took place and being OK with those chapters of my life ending. I prayed, cried, and I even sit here now befuddled by it all. So, the best way I know how to deal with these type situations is… look back at me.

Question 1 to self: What did I do? I have asked myself this question since the things that happened took place. Was there something in particular that I’ve done that led to these particular events? It hasn’t always been easy for me to take responsibility for things that I’ve done wrong, said or events I’ve initiated, but in this case because the relationships that were at risk were so important to me, it was important that I took FULL RESPONSIBILITY for any part I played in the issue.

Question 2 to self: What am I doing wrong? I am not perfect AT ALL! I’ve offended folks, hurt some people very close to me, and I have not always taken responsibility for my actions, but as I’ve grown I realized I needed to. Now that I do, hold myself accountable for my actions, it seems I’m hurt more. I seem to take on the actions that others should be holding themselves accountable for and making myself responsible for them. However, I realize something I need stronger character discernment.

When you make changes in your life, work hard to improve your character, attempt to be better than what you’ve been…you struggle by reminding yourself of who and how you used to be every time something happens that reminds you of who and how you used to be. Today, however, I must do better. I am conducting a self-examination as a result of the recent happenings, but not in the way I used to. I am not self-examining to find my complete fault in the situations, but instead to see how I responded, how I can respond to similar situations in the future. I am accepting the shifts that have occurred in my close relationships and praying for better character discernment going forward. It’s necessary, I don’t need the wrong people in my life and I don’t need to be the wrong person in someone else’s life. So, even though I hurt as result of recent events, I am conducting self-examination to make sure I am better going forward and a better person for someone else going forward.

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October 13, 2014 Posted by | The World Outside Your Window | Leave a comment

   

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